


if only

by nuages



Category: Chronicles of Narnia (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2014-08-06
Packaged: 2018-02-12 00:10:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2088243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nuages/pseuds/nuages
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>she was fifteen when she fell in love, or at least she thinks she did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if only

**Author's Note:**

> the title has absolutely no relation to anything other than me needing a title and the kylie minogue song being the one thing i listened to while writing this

she was fifteen when she fell in love, or at least she thinks she did.  
  
with a person like him, how could she not? he was like peter, like ed, like lucy, like all of them. he commanded attention, and she gave it to him. always. just as she did when she first met him.  
  
he was beautiful. every inch of his golden skin illuminated under sunlight. every lock of his long brown hair caressed the features of his perfect face. every word from his mouth spoken in a way that invited her to imagine what those lips would be like on hers. but those thoughts, whatever pull they had on her, needed to be gone, she knew that. and so they were buried. deep. what little (but really grand) longing she had for him needed to be set aside. they were at war. lives were at stake, even his and hers.  
  
she knew better.  
  
they practiced often together. he asked her first, pleading to want to learn under her wisdom. she allowed it. they rose with the sun and broke into the field with bows and arrows ( _a crossbow is far too easy_ , she said) and fired again and again, challenging each other in various ways. she always won, however. with her eagle eyes it was no contest.  
  
as the days passed, they found themselves waking far before the sun ever did ( _to not waste time_ , she said), and so she had taken it upon herself to ask him what she asked of her. he allowed it. then, bows and arrows were exchanged for swords and hilts, and they slashed at each other again and again till the sun’s first rays. she never challenged him. with his strength, it was no contest.  
  
they would trade knowledge and skills and learn and grow from each other. if they were questioned, they shrugged it away. they were merely trying to better themselves for the coming battle— a way for them to grow as warriors so they could be ready to win the fight.  
  
she knew better.  
  
war only ever lasted so long. often her mind spiraled with ideas of the years after it: a new kingdom, as bold and bright as before, perhaps even greater, and she would rule as gentle and loving as she did then in the golden age. and if she let slip her thoughts to envision the mighty prince by her side, she never faced guilt. _just my imagination_ , she said. _nothing to fret about_.  
  
she knew better.  
  
when the prince came upon her with the siren call he had used to bring her here, she didn’t hesitate.

“why don’t you hold on to it? you might need to call me again.”

it was merely a playful remark, a witty comeback, something she was sure ed would smile at. something to keep the prince hopeful that she would return and they would succeed and peace will be brought upon the land. he smiled, then, and she assumed he understood what she intended.  
  
she knew better.  
  
his smile was otherworldly, a thin curve of his lips and then slowly growing, and sometimes she imagines that he smiles widest when he’s looking at her, like it was something only she ever deserved. ( _otherworldly_ , she laughed then. of course he was. they were in another world after all. but then, he never was from here, and neither was she.)  
  
she grabbed his hand and rode on. she clung to him as the trees rushed by her, and she felt comfort in it. _it was because he saved you, that’s all._  
  
she knew better.  
  
the night after the war ended, in the stone tower he had wanted to show her, to run away to since they had arrived, he talked of his grand plans, for what he had in store for the future of narnia as one of its rulers, and she would listen as he held his arms across the night sky like the stars were the only limits he ever dreamed.

she fell for it too, as much as she had fallen for him. she would dream just as endless he did, imagine a future where they would rule by each other's side the way the kings and queens she read of did. _only to entertain his folly_ , she said, even if she had these thoughts far before that night.  
  
she knew better.  
  
it broke her heart then, to leave him, to see that what she imagined would come to fruition just disappear in front of her. she joked then, admitting to it finally, everything she ever dreamed of. _1300 years older_ , she laughed. of course she was.  
  
his lips then were as inviting as they were when they first met. so she kissed him to be rid of it, to finish what they had begun and forget about it soon enough.  
  
she should have known better.  


she was fifteen when she fell in love, and she knows she did. because she was fifteen when she broke her heart too.


End file.
